What to serve an angry mob??

Husband is gone back to Big Giant International Airline in the sand, and I am left home to host the first, and probably last, meeting of our Local Catholic School's parents rebel alliance for change. How I ended up in this situation, I will never know. Suffice it to say this is a VERY small town and my DH's paycheck is signed by an oil Sheikh who lives 10,000km away and could give a fig about what happens here.

The situation as it currently stands is:
a kindergarten teacher intends to sit outside my house and take names to report us
the first grade teacher has been fired for evidence of alcoholism
the second grade teacher is virtually paralyzed by ocd
the third grade teacher is in the hospital with a life-threatening illness
the fourth grade teacher has publicly stated she is going to make our children pay for our participation in this meeting
the fifth grade teacher is threatening to crash the meeting (and crash she shall have to because she uses a walker and I have 10 very steep steps to climb to get onto my property...)
a 70+ year old eucharistic minister has called us a 'lynch mob' for trying to get together and discuss how we can help solve some of the problems with the school.
An insightful friend points out that this must be about money for what else gets people so crazy?

On to the food part: The rebel alliance is coming here. Perhaps 20, maybe even 30 parents, plus whatever crazies show up to cause trouble. One well meaning parent pointed out to me that I need to feed them SOMETHING... Which I promise I will discuss in the morning...